Jamen Amato

This is the text of an email I sent to the SGV Team In Training "Old Guard" the day after Jamen passed away. I was struggling with how I felt about his passing, and wrote this to work through it. I was amazed and honored by the responses from people who said that what I wrote helped them work through it too.

Here it is:
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Hey guys -

Well, I wrote to Jamen's family this morning. I looked and looked for a card, and as evidence of the gravity of the situation, not even the pro's at Hallmark can write something appropriate at a time like this. Despite what they say in their ads. But I coughed up a couple of bucks for what I considered to be their best attempt - as lame as it may have been.

I'm shocked at how hard this has hit me. Perhaps it's the thought of Ashley losing a brother - as it strikes close to home considering what I went through with my brother (hell - and he survived!). Or perhaps it's the fact that even with a wonderful family and the best in medical care - there are no guarantees. We and all our loved ones are vulnerable and at times frustratingly powerless.

Here's something ironic. I never met Jamen. I realize I haven't the right to be so sad about losing him, but I'm sad nonetheless. Strange to be so affected and never to have even shaken his hand. I feel robbed of the opportunity actually. I felt like I knew him because of Ash, because of the way she talked of him. She's a fairly private person yet her love for him has always been worn on her sleeve. Her joy when he was doing well, her sadness when he struggled - all were evident in her eyes. Not to mention her involvement in TNT. She has always honored him in such a loving and powerful way. A true testament to the power of love don't you think?

I have to say it makes me mad as hell. I don't get it. Why? It makes no sense! I have the audacity to be mad at God about this (did you just hear thunder? I'll be dodging lightning strikes forever for having said that - so be it). I have struggled with the philosophical/theological side of this since my brother was diagnosed. I know there is a "Grand Plan" that I'm not evolved enough to understand. But I just wish I had a clue as to how this makes any sense at all. Come on God - just give me a tiny freaking hint - PLEASE.

And maybe that's it.

Perhaps part of the Grand Plan is to show that suffering cannot be defeated with anger, because if you succumb to the anger you just become cynical and bitter. And that is no way to live (trust me I've tried it, it gets old really quick). Think about it - bitter and cynical people have never changed the world for the better! It's more effective to be thankful and proactive and to inspire others to help stop the suffering. Yes, that sounds about right. That's what we TNT'ers do isn't it.

The list of names of The Taken continues to grow. People we've known and loved. I want to save EVERY ONE. Naive I suppose. But that's the way I feel, and I suspect those of you reading this feel that way too. Tell me - how can people sit back and watch and do nothing? How can they not run, walk, give? If not for this, then for something else. Alzheimers, heart disease, autism, save the whales, save the planet, teach a kid to read, DO SOMETHING. MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

I'm thankful for you all, and for all you do.

Rest In Peace Jamen.

Dave